Life... Life is like an air tight container. Suffocating me, slowly taking my energy out of me. very much i wanna run away and hide somewhere. Escaping fr all the things that seems too much for me to bear. As we grow older, there are so much more things for us to worry abt. Decisions to be made, respondsibilites to be taken up, pressure to be build up and many more. I do noe all these are part of growing up and growing old but i cant help it to feel the way i am feeling now.... Lost, tired, sicked, pissed, f**ked up... I'm choking, suffocating and almost defeated... Almost....
Posted by SunKissDewDrop at 11:33 PM
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
7 more days...
Baby will be back in another 7 days and i cant wait... HE called me this morning while he was the the rover. guess he muz haf read the smses i sent him for the past 2 days. Things seems better on the surface, at least i got half of my money back. But my dad kept saying things that hurt. He was trying to say that why sld i be angry or anxious. "No money you can come back and eat. I lose my job than you got nothing to eat!" He kept repeating this to me so so many times. Why in the first place i'm penniless? Did i gamble or spend on some jewellery? Nope i din... i used all my money on paying for something that is NONE OF MY FUCKING RESPONDSIBLITY! But too bad everything was under my name, if i dun pay i die, if i pay i die. So both way i die and the my-dad's-beloved-asshole-boy is safe from all harm and danger and he DID NOT get scoldings either. Why am I born as a girl? Is it my fault that i am a girl? So when shit happens it is a duty/responsibility/must for me to take all blames and scoldings? Or maybe it was my fucking fault that all these happened? Argh...I'm going crazy....
Posted by SunKissDewDrop at 11:11 PM
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Can things get any worse?
Hi peeps... i mentioned that dearie is going for a six day outfield right? at first he said he might be able to call me but i doubt so. i told him the "Bad News" but he din reply so i guess he cant even msg. Haiz... how m i gonna survive thru this month? Penniless, Boyfrenless and Supportless... it's not even my business or respondsibility and i need to clean up the fucking mess. Why cant that stupid idiot be a man and deal with his own shit? WTF.... Worse still i need to settle both his shit and his fren shit as well... Dunno wat to say? Damn fucked up now.... Pardon my language.... I'm driven up the wall....
Posted by SunKissDewDrop at 10:09 PM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
I have a bad day...
Haiz.... bad day for me cos baby is going for a six day outfield and i doubt he cld call me while at the jungles... how to survive lidat? i'm already losing slp and weight and he's only away for 11 days. Jus like wat XH said, three weeks only, not years but i cant help it. i always said that i'm overly depended on him. Like a lost sheep when he's not around. but anyway, thank god that i'm busy wif sch wk so jus bury myself in wk lor... No choice rite... i'm having my review in another 1 1/2 weeks. hope that my report wld be good or else i'll haf to go for e operation. though it is a very small op (day op i think) but i dun wanna go under the knife or laser or gamma rays (watever they are using). me very scare lah... i guess i jus haf to leave it to the Lord. Come what may cos the Lord is wif me and i shall not be afraid....
Posted by SunKissDewDrop at 5:24 PM
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Starry starry night...
Dear dear went on a 3 days hike yesterday. he told me that most prob he cldn't call me as he is gonna be high up in the mountain. So i thot i wldn't be hearing his comforting voice for 3 whole days. BUT surprise surprise... he called me ard 11pm last nite. he was hiding in his sleeping bag wifout any tent for a shelther. Instead, he had a sky load of stars for a blanket!!! OMG!!! That's wat i always dream of.... Singapore is too bright to see stars at nite (unless you go Pulau Ubin or wat lah). I can almost "see" and "feel" all those stars thru his teeny weeny eyes when we were talking on the phone. When we hung up, i wish wif all my might that those stars can send my hugs and kisses to him so that he wldn't feel alone in Taiwan.
Although we are apart, remember I'm always with you. Right there... In your heart... Forever a part of you... Love you baby....
Posted by SunKissDewDrop at 10:53 PM
Monday, October 02, 2006
16 days more....
I'm been to bored and aimless to blog for the past few days. Not even on my birthday did i feel better cos dear left for Taiwan on my birthday... Haiz... Only three weeks but it felt more like three thousand years to me. I promised him not to cry but the moment i went on the bus and he was waving good bye to me from the bus stop, i started crying. Cant help it at all.... i'm too dependent on him, i haf to admit... Wifout him ard, i'm like very lost and aimless. but i wanna change that so i was thinking of meeting some old frens up but guess wat, all of them were busy... Haiz... so how? no choice but laze at home and stone. How did i spend my first weekend wifout him? I stayed at home, eat and sleep and play pc or ps2 and do assignment and stone and rot.... wat a weekend.... God save me!!!!